Dear readers, today is Valentine’s day. And it led me to some self-reflection about love time and again.
I’ve picked up 14 myths (or gross generalizations )about love/sex which- as a cis hetero Indian female, I encounter even in 2019!
Disinformation #1:
Opposites attract
This is the biggest BS that my generation had been fed during our “impressionable” years and it ruined the idea of romantic love for many.
In my fairly tepid dating period, I had been chicken enough to not to veer towards the men who are polar opposite my characteristic i.e. loud/obnoxious/possessive men etc.
And now married to an equally timid (by traditional toxic masculinity standard), I’m confirmed that opposite would never be attractive to me – romantically.
It’s metrosexual all the way. I’m always team Peeta.
Disinformation #2:
Good girls love bad boys
When I think about the idea of toxic masculinity first seeps through in the lives of Indian women, it’s that notion that “ Good girls love bad boys”. The in-between statement would be-
it’s the duty of good girls to love bad boys and then take the role of their mothers and change the boys for better.
No, thank you. For me, kind men are the desirable ones.
Disinformation #3:
Losing virginity is life-altering
When the Indian septuagenarians complain about “Western influence” is ruining it all, they are hinting at this phenomenon folks.
On the other hand, losing virginity has been quite an underground phenomenon for many years.
I’m from small-town India and back in the 90s, kissing/ groping/ deflowering had been a thing of bravado / a trophy to gloat over. And the junks from pop culture (and the high school movies of Hollywood) was not helping either.
It took me two decades to learn not putting a deadline on your first consensual sexual indulgence is absolutely cool. Smart kids would rather focus on scientific sex-education in school.
Disinformation #4:
Sex is a necessity
As a moderately healthy asexual in her 30s with all the mental faculties intact ( I suppose), I highly doubt about it.
Though there are tonnes of scientific explanations behind it and I’m sure all of them are valid, still, it’s ambiguous. I’ve loads of other shits in my life to make me feel sick in the stomach. Not feeling horny enough won’t come even in the top 20.
Disinformation #5:
Love fixes us
Advised the Indian peers/agony aunts/Bollywood musicals to every economically sustainable-yet-anguished Indian youth. The result? The debacle called “modern Indian marriage”.
Disinformation #6:
Having a partner makes life “livable” in twilight years
In a traditional society, for the man, it certainly is. Not for the woman- even if she is/was earning. The most older couples I get to see around me, the women play the role of valet/chef/ caregiver/nanny of her family. I know it sounds like- pitting man against woman. But I can’t refute what I saw.
Disinformation #7:
Self-love is best love
Most of the advice-columns, self-love is narrowed to bubble baths, scented candles, and Pilates. However, there is a thin line between self-love and self-entitlement. And self-love is beyond skin-deep.
Disinformation #8:
First love is unforgettable
Only if you want to write sad poems and post it on social media for “like” purpose. Or to bash the opposite gender for the drop of a hat. For anything else, the memory of first love would always be outpaced by fast-changing economy, soiled diapers, bloating etc.
Disinformation #9:
Romantics love poetry/ chocolate / flowers
Nyah. I’d rather cherish a portable electronic smoothie-maker.
Disinformation #10:
You’re either monogamous or promiscuous
I’m physically and by faith (not religious but ethical) monogamous, but my mind sometimes beats for Cillian Murphy. Unless, you practice self-flogging, there is nothing wrong in letting your mind to cherish another lovely human being. Knowing where to draw the line is essential.
Disinformation #11:
“If love means to happen…”
Going the Sufi way and let the universe decide for you is bit wishy-washy. Just like landing the perfect job – finding the compatible partner takes preparation. That’s why I really admire (if not imitate) the gold-diggers- irrespective of gender.
Disinformation #12:
Couple not having enough romps- is unnatural
Maybe in pre- Netflix era. Now we just Netflix and chill with good food. and it’s a “time well spent“.
Disinformation #13:
Jealousy comes with the package
When you’ve too much time at hand and function normal under “indigestion” caused by feeling jealous. I opt out.
Disinformation #14:
Fighting makes it all the more romantic
When you’ve too much time at hand and function normal under “Angry” state of mind. I opt out.
So, what other tales about love/sex you found out to be untrue? Let me know.
abookforagoat.wordpress.com 
Honestly, the biggest thing I think I got fed that I’ve found to be untrue is that if you’re single you should be actively trying to find a partner. I love my single life as it is right now and some people just don’t seem to get it. I completely agree with the self-love idea too, loving yourself isn’t buying your self-loads of stuff it’s learning to accept and own who you are right now.
Couldn’t agree more. This “trying to find xyz” pressure always tires me out. Being comfortable in one’s own skin is the most important thing. Thank you for reading <3.
Very impressive
Thank you 🙂